Saying Goodbye

My dear little hamster, Mr. Bingley, is dying.

I always feel a little uncertain in talking about it because:
1. People usually think that hamsters don't really count as something that you can love or get attached to and make snide remarks.
2. I start crying.

I'm pretty upset about it though. He has some tumors and is just not doing well and I know that I just need to take him to the vet and have him put down, but, there's just something so hard about that. I keep hoping that he'll just go on his own and I won't have to deal with the finality of saying goodbye.

I got Mr. Bingley just after my big breakdown two years ago. I was hardly functioning as a person and quite honestly just wanted something that I could take care of. Something that would sit with me and snuggle me and distract me from how shitty I felt. So, as you can imagine, saying goodbye is not going to be easy. He was my small and sweet companion.

He was with me the whole time and now I have to keep going without him.

I'm really going to miss him.